Hanging by a Moment

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

This time I really got myself into deep shit, now I'm sinking in it and don't know when and how to climb out of it. Letting go is easier said than done, especially when your in love. If it's just a crush, can just fuck it to the roadside =D For the first time in my life I felt love [later on when things turned bad]. I was rewarded shit for loving too. But now it doesn't really matter anymore, seeing and hearing from you is more than enough. Don't get me wrong, I'm not stalking or anything. I just don't want to get myself into anymore shit that can ruin myself again. But I just wanna let you know I still feel the same. Although sometimes the stupid things you do can be damn pissing off. Eg indecisiveness, the stupid choices you make, etc etc. But the reason why I'm still in love with you is because of who you are. The stupid, moronic, annoying, cute, pretty,hot[not so hot dy la since getting old =D] and bimbo birdie you, basically the things you do la. It just melts me so bad to the extent I'd do stupid things, like sing to you. And I myself also don't know how you managed to con me into doing it == Now all I wish for is to see you as many times as possible before I leave. Honestly a girl like you is damn hard to find, although they keep telling me :"aiya this kinda girl all over the street la, simply pick also can get". I think otherwise. Because a girl like you is impossible to find, its impossible to find T.T Anyways, you keep telling me you help me find my heart. It's just like Sora looking for Kairi's heart w/o knowing that it lies deep inside him [KH stuff, just get the metaphore can dy]. Now all I can hope for is to meet someone who makes me feel just the same then I can dispose of you[lol jk jk =)].

P.S : I hope things won't get awkward after you read this. I'm just pouring out how I feel. =D And I think I'll keep the paopu fruit with me for the time being ;)

Nostalgia

Woke up after 4 hours of sleep. Don't know why nowadays I can't get a nice long sleep. Anyways, went to Terence's place since the fella wants to come along to Bukit Bintang, the area where all our past memories lie. I never thought I'd step back into Sg.Wang after 2 years. Went hunting for Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix but too bad because it was all out of sale =( Then we were waiting to follow the birdie or the nimf. Turned out the nimf was free so we hanged out with her instead. Some joker dropped off the 4th floor in Times Square and attracted a whole crowd lol. Moron kepohs. Times Square and Sg.Wang didn't change much, still the same old lala land. Was quite uncomfortable being in that environment again, what's more we were afraid that we'd bump into some dumbfuck highschool lala we know. Tought it would be a fruitfull outing, mana tau ate explosion pots [applies to me only] =( sigh

Heartless and Nobody

The Heartless and Nobody

Heartless : -









Heartless are the darkness in hearts of living beings given shape and form. They have a thirst for hearts, and are most attracted to pure hearts.Though the origin of the Heartless is not explicitly described or shown, there was one point where there was not a single person with darkness in their heart, and only light existed, and as such all the worlds were connected. However, people began to grow selfish over the light, and thus darkness was born in their hearts. This darkness eventually consumed the light, but the children of light were able to craft new worlds, though they would remain separate. However, the greatest light would reside in the darkness, and until the day comes when that light breaks through the darkness, darkness would continue to thrive.






There is darkness in each person's heart. I think mine finally took over, or maybe I've willingly let the darkness into my heart. Allowing it to rend my heart apart, turning me inside out. Making me a heartless. It's not only that shit that happened almost a year ago, with the help of other factors I can also feel that I've changed a lot. Suddenly I just had all these inside of me; hatred, grudges, bloodlust and all those that attract the heartless. Now that I'm a heartless, I leave behind my shell, an empty shell which becomes a Nobody :-

I don't know why am I still emo-ing over this. Now I'm nothing but an empty shell, a Nobody. There shouldn't be any feelings left aside from lusting for a heart. Instead, this Nobody also has the emo feeling inside of him. Much like a Nobody, the most important thing in my life was taken away right in front of my eye; my heart. I just want my fucking heart back la. I can't feel any shit except pain. I want my fucking feelings back. I want to step out of the darkness. I want to stop feeding the heartless with the dark side of my heart. I want to reach into the light and pull it back out. I just want to destroy the heartless inside me, but what are the chances. Until then I have no choice but to keep feeding the heartless.



I want my ending to be just like Sora's, I want the light to break through the darkness. I want to share that paopu-fruit.

1000 words

1137 to be exact. The longest essay or w/e you call it that somebody has ever written for me.

Here's how it all began.

"I'll tell you once you learned how to forget". "She's really not worth you loving her la, but I won't tell you the reason once you've completely forgotten." Trying ever so hard to let it go. This virus had me struggling for almost a whole year. But it's not until recently that I managed to let it go. Not the grudge, but the feelings I had. It was so hard for me to do so because she was so special. Okla, now still special la. Anyways, after being told the reason why I should give up, the only thing I felt was fucking pissed. And I'm sorry for not layaning you or giving you the cold shoulders everytime you messaged. I just didn't expect such words to come out of your mouth, yes I know you do call me that sometimes, but this time you said it at the wrong time. Another thing that ran through my mind was that the type of girls like you are easy to be decieved by sex maniacs. I was seriously so pissed to the extent that I thought that this friendship isn't even worth keeping.

A few days after fucking her up[verbally =D], she met up with me to return some of my stuff. I wanted to send my lackeys to help me retrieve the stuff, but he said it would be better if I took it from her myself [Thx bro T.T]. If I hadn't took the stuff from you, I wouldn't have saw your dying facial expression. At that moment only I remembered promising her that I will never make her sad [but others still can] =D. Being a soft hearted person [/gg]. I couldn't bear the pain of ignoring her and looking at her feeling sad. It just kills me to see her like that.

That night, I asked her to think of a solution to settle this problem. Mana tau the joker tulis 1.4k words. Bugger, I don't read so many words on the net unless its gamefaqs/walkthroughs =D After reading that, my heart softened even more [damn weak la]. While lying down on my super comfortable bed [complimented by all who slept on it before], I slept off [thats right la]. =D HAHAHHA. However I was supposed to think la, but too bad la since it's so comfortable. This is my answer [the answer just appeared in my mind after I woke up, somehow my unconsciouss mind helped me do the thinking]. How stupid I felt for making myself hate her. Maybe it's because the things she say la. So bloody cute how to hate. Hoiyor ! =) But the things she wrote does make people heart soften up, even the dog agrees after reading it. If the dog can get softhearted, I sure gg rofl.

So here's my conclusion, to the cute birdie who wrote me the 1.4k words, thank you. It was those 1.4k words who made me un-hate you and know how you felt. I would also like to thank mr-red-headed-mother-fucking-dog for being the love dr. although the advices you gave were bullshit compared to those the bull gave me =D but I still thank you listening to me crap *thumps chest* thx bro T.T

P.S : If anyone wants to read the 1.4k words essay. I'm selling it for RM10 =D

P.S2 : I still want my revenge. =D

*User signed out*

The Picture Says It All

Skyscraper of Memories

After one crazy night at mos 2 days ago, I slept over at Terence's place. When I woke up, I saw the stupid fucker looking at those pics we took when we were in high school (walao fall for you playing now. must be a sign.) Anyways, as we browsed through the pics, we laughed, talked cock, backstabbed etc etc. I admit I felt a bit nostalgic, but compared to yours, I think mine was just the tip of an iceberg. Those were the happy days huh ? Just when we tought those stupid fan min shit would end once we finish high sch, that shit hit us back right in the nuts. I don't know if you remembered this, but you asked me when you saw the pict with the bastard, 2/3 of the bitches, and me : "Eh oscar, do you remember ? He was once your bro."

You stupid fuck. You already know how to say WAS. PERNAH. If that thing didn't happen, maybe we would still be bros la. But that incident showed his true colors, colors that you all warned me of but I didn't listen maybe because I trusted him, colors that clouded my vision and fucked me back. But thinking back, that fucker also never treated us properly during form 2. Its just like the bull said, the fucker sure wants something from the person he makes friends with(and that is so fucking right). Just like the time when he mixed with us for bball etc etc. Seriously, I just hate him so much for wtf he has done. Even though some of you asked before why I can't forgive him. Declare war already, if you don't fight then you sign a treaty, it makes you a pussy la. And fyi, there won't be any treaty. Just plain vengeance. There's no use crying over spilt milk la, so I'll just break the fucking glass =D.

Anyways, I just wanna say that : I am satisfied with the amount of the bros and sis' I have right now and I think it's more than enough. Thanks guys T.T

P.S : The answer to your question half an hr ago (yes you, Mr.FuckingRetardTerence) --> I don't know. I told you I can't feel shit dy and I just want revenge.

Re : Him/Her

First of all, aku dah hutang post ni lama. So post ini adalah reply kpd post ko Mr. No0bian.
I don't know what's gonna happen to you and lilnimf since you two jokers like selambe gile. Anyways, she doesn't look like some bitch and is also the complete mirror of you (which isn't really a good thing since there'll be two No0bians. Those around you confirm gg). Anyways, I just wish you all the best la since she's a nice chick. But wth you motherfucker, you can fucking write around 2 posts worth of 1000+ words. If you need help you can call daddy or any of your bros =D.

Last words : lilnimf is perfect for you. Can see that she put emotions into your emotionless-full-of-shit self, and I also can see that you ARE in love, stop fucking deny it. It's fucking annoying. But who am I to judge, you decide youself la. This is all I can say.

P.S : If you think this is short, you can shove sth up your ass because I ain't gonna write more than 1000 words for you.

Kingdom Hearts

For those who don't know, Kingdom Hearts is where all hearts gather and memories kept. Memories that never fade. Be it happy,sad,emo or w/e. This is why i decided to name it : -

Chain of Memories